Picture this: you’re feeling low about life, hating parts of yourself, never leaving your house. Then slowly, you begin to heal. You begin to work on yourself. For months, years, maybe even decades. You slowly become who you were meant to be. You start being the person who dances alone at the party, not giving a f*ck, having “main character energy” and loving life again.
Then boom! A magical, amazing person comes out of nowhere, and now you’re in love! Congratulations! People are attracted to confident, self-loving people.
Dating is fun and should be exciting. When your falling in love and beginning a new relationship, in my opinion, it should be easy! It should be almost effortless. I received great advice at a young age, that if your relationship wasn’t easy in the beginning when it should be light and fun, then it most likely will always be difficult.
However, the fear of losing yourself again is real. You know what it’s like to people please, to put others’ needs before your own, and not love yourself at the level you should be. The anxiety is valid, especially if you’ve been doing the single life for a while. You’ve worked hard on growing your confidence and becoming who you are today. No worries, you can keep doing that and also be joyfully in love!
Step 1.) Tell your partner how much you value self love.
Open communication is key to any relationship and telling your partner that you value self-love is vital. Aside from the relationship, you are still two separate humans just enjoying the ride together. Most likely your partner is confident since they are attracted to a confident person like you. Explain to your partner that you want them to continue to grow within themselves, just as you want for yourself. You can grow individually, together.
Step 2.) Do what makes you feel amazing about yourself!
Let’s be real, you didn’t become this self-loving gal without putting in some work. Maybe that was through therapy, affirmations, or working out. My advice, continue doing it all! Find what has helped you feel good about yourself and make it non-negotiable in your relationship. However, just because you told them that it’s important doesn’t mean it’s their job to hold you accountable. You will have to do it on your own. Your boyfriend Kyle might not be the biggest fan of hot pilates classes but that doesn’t mean you can’t go alone. What you don’t want is this Kyle telling you to skip your pilates classes to hang out with him.
Step 3.) Create intentional alone time
The best part of being in a relationship is getting to go and do fun things with your partner but finding alone time is crucial to feel balanced in a relationship. I don’t mean doing your laundry, I mean intentional alone time when you can just enjoy being by yourself. That could look like having a movie night by yourself or taking yourself on a “coffee date.” If you live with your partner, make it known that you are going to go have some alone time and that you don’t want to be bothered. This time could be used for reading, journaling, meditating, or just watching beauty youtubers in peace.
Step 4.) Surround yourself with people who make you feel like you!
In a healthy relationship, your partner should make you feel your best. A new normal of who you are will form, which consists of you as a single person and you as a person now in a loving relationship. This new normal can feel a little scary because you are changing into the version of yourself with a partner. It’s okay to a little anxious about it. One thing that helps this, is spending quality time with friends or family without your partner around. It’s good to have alone time as I mentioned but it’s also beneficial to just hang out with the gals sometimes.
I hope these four steps can help release some of those anxieties you may be feeling about your relationship. As I mentioned in the beginning, a healthy relationship should be easy and fun in the beginning. Let yourself experience that joy because you are deserving of both self-love and romantic love.
