Affirmations for Grief

BY SUMMER SIERRA

Losing someone you love feels like a cross-country road trip with no map. You feel lost, completely uncertain, and unable to fathom a future they aren’t in. Suddenly what was once an ordinary day in the calendar now becomes an anniversary you didn’t ask for. 

Although you know how to drive the car, it suddenly feels wrong to press the gas pedal forward. Between guilt and the loss of all energy in your limbs, the small task seems daunting. You look around and the cars are flying past you, people are living their lives but living yours without your person feels like a betrayal.

Experiencing loss is the worst consequence of being human. As a species, we know it will eventually come, yet every time, it still brings us immense pain. As Queen Elizabeth II said, “grief is the price we pay for love.” Just like love, grief is different for everyone. There are no rules on how you grieve a loved one. As humans, it brings us too much pain to teach others how to prepare for it. Once it does happen, we are told to get back in the car and put the keys in the ignition. We are told to move forward.

Grief is the price we pay for love

– Queen Elizabeth II

Why though? Why is it that after such a loss, we continue forward? How have the people before me survived these feelings? How could this person leave me here? No. No. Our fragile minds resort back to our first words, our instincts. This is not what I want. In shock, we try to navigate and understand the abrupt new reality that is the permanence of this person no longer being with us. At times it’s incomprehensible. It’s frustrating and confusing and gets in our way. Selfishly, we feel anger because it’s changed our plans, ourselves even. We as individuals are different after loss. We start looking around the corner, around the room, at the driveway, hoping they come back home to us. Despite every chair being filled, it feels like someone is still missing. Then when we do come to understand the loss, it only provides the depressing clarity that the person is gone. In a split second, there is a pause, quietness, stillness like the water on a lake at sunrise, you blink, and realize my person is really gone. They have left. 

What keeps us going then? How does everyone do it? 

Love.

We hold on because we see the possibility that a similar love like theirs exists. Or perhaps we see it sitting right in front of us and although the pain hurts, the ones left with us make it worth doing it all over again.

Maybe the feeling of hope is our map for where to go next? Hope seems to give us a little piece of the missing map. You put your foot on the pedal and try to make it to that first destination. This time it feels a little more possible. Then you stop, get gas, and once again, find another piece of hope and use that to guide you forward. 

Maybe the feeling of hope is our map for where to go next?

The most important part of a road trip is stopping to rest. Dealing with feelings of grieve can be exhausting. It’s not safe to move forward without stopping to rest. This gives you the space to access what you need. 

It’s not without a road trip, having snacks, songs, and laughter. Moments, days, even weeks of happiness are part of the process. It helps you. It makes the drive nice, less uncertain. You’ll feel a little strange after you catch yourself smiling while talking about the person you lost. You’ll say to yourself, I’ve come a long way since last year. Birds, songs, flowers, cars, smells, places, movies, things, dates will bring you more joy because you’ve attached the person to that thing. There’s no limit to the signs you create to remind you of your person. Let yourself remember the happiness and love you shared.

The reality is, the road trip never ends. When your road trip ends, another begins.

—-If you are reading this post, then you too, have found a piece of hope in what feels like everlasting darkness. I hope this affirmation can help remind you that you are strong enough to get through this time. 

WHAT’S AN AFFIRMATION?

A positive statement is used to help you overcome negative thoughts and ideas. The message is usually written in the first person and can be long or short sentences. The purpose of affirmations is to develop a habit of positive thinking and self-empowerment.

WHY ARE AFFIRMATIONS IMPORTANT?

Affirmations can help you change your mindset on a difficult idea or situation. They can increase self-esteem, gratitude, and help you overcome loss for example. With all the distractions of the world, affirmations help you remind yourself daily of what is your priority in your personal healing journey.

HOW CAN I USE AFFIRMATIONS?

Affirmations can be used in various ways but the important part is to continuously do them. It’s like working out! One workout will make you feel good but it won’t change your body. You can practice affirmations by reading them out loud, writing them down, or simply having them saved as your lock screen. Interacting with affirmations daily on the topic you choose will improve your life for the better. My recommendation is to get creative with where you feel you will best use them. An example would be to write an affirmation down on a sticky note and hang it on your mirror. Say it every day for a week and then create a new one the following week. It’s all about you.