The straight men have football, the rest of us have the Bachelor.
Welcome back ladies! I finally have meaning back into my life. Finally, something to look forward to. We got a lot in this premiere! Walking out of the limo intros, a rose ceremony, a group date, 1-1 date, AND HANNAH BROWN CRYING ON OUR TV SCREENS.
So, if you’ve been living under a rock, Peter Weber is our Bachelor. He is a former commercial pilot from Westlake, California. He comes from a Cuban family of other pilots. Italicized cuban because they HAD to remind us that factoid fives times because there is never actual diversity in this show.
Moving on, the girls really proved their high comedic skills by only using pilot and windmill jokes for their intros out of the limo. This part was pretty forgettable besides Ashley, the cow. Yes, an actual cow came in with a girl as her emotional support animals as a node for people using emotional support animals on airplanes. It was so random but actually so funny.
Oh, and THE HANNAH BROWN walked out of the limo and everyone was SHOOK. She gave him back his wing pin that he gave her when he was on her season. It was precious and then she left. Fortunately for us, it wasn’t the last of her for the episode.
The rose ceremony came and went and all the expected girls stayed per usual. First impression rose went to Hannah Ann. This model who reminds me of an American Girl Doll. She really knows how to play the bachelor game and isn’t casual about it.
Next up was the one-on-one date. Madison got it (shocker!). Just like any other normal first date, they went to Peter’s parent’s wedding vow renewal ceremony. Madison basically fell in love with him right then and there and it was just in my opinion, blah. I couldn’t take it seriously whatsoever.
Finally, the group date happened. The theme was, you guessed it, airplanes! The first thing that happened was a dramatic reenactment of a tea cup ride at Disney because Victoria P. once threw up on one. The fact that producers had to go out to an amusement park to film that clip just kills me and reminds me why I love this show. Then they went to a theatre and once again Hannah Brown was there and had to awkwardly bring up the sex in the windmill situation. Afterwards she went back to her dressing room to cry (relatable) and Peter went to comfort her and that’s where things got weird. Hannah didn’t wear waterproof mascara and Peter decided it was time to confront her about why he got third place. We were left on a pretty predictable cliff-hanger. I think they will make up and find closure next week but I don’t think anything will really come out of the discussion. Realistically, she has to go win Dancing with the Stars and he has a show to lead.
So, what happens next? Not totally sure. I have a feeling he won’t pick any of the women at the end. Peter even came out publicly and said no one can spoil the ending. We’ll just have to buy some cheap wine and keep our Monday nights free to find out.
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